The Hoburbs

The Hoburbs is the suburban area located on the outskirts of Hoburbia. It is the home of garage sales, gated communities, mischievous middle-class kids, crazy hobos, a variety of pawnable items, and the famous Neighborhood Watch.

Activities

The only thing you can do in the Hoburbs is explore it.

Exploring

For 5T, you can explore the Hoburbs for various items and nice little bonuses. As with the Red Light District and the Canbodian River, you need to be alive in order to explore it. It is not recommended to explore the Hoburbs while Zombified and dead, since you won't be able to receive an extra meal from the Dreadlocked Dude or win any of the fights you run into.

The following is a list of events you can encounter while exploring the Hoburbs.

Old Lady Event

You're walking down a sunny street when an old lady with thick glasses stops you.

Old Lady: Are you the Johnson's boy, Daniel? You look like you could use some money to buy your comic books and soda pop. I'll give you a few dollars to mow my lawn dear.

You take her up on her offer.

Old Lady: Oh, wonderful! I'll just be inside watching my programs. Ring the doorbell when you're done.

Once she's gone you look down at the lawn and realize all the grass is dry and dead. There's nothing to mow. Plus you don't have a lawnmower anyway...

You stand outside the Old Lady's window making mower noises for about 10 minutes and then ring her doorbell.

Old Lady: Oh thank you dear! It looks lovely! Here you go.

She pulls out her wallet, but doesn't seem to be able to see well enough to count her cash. She grabs a bunch of bills and hands them to you.

You get money!

Mailbox Event

While walking down the street you spy a mailbox with it's red flag raised. You decide to peak inside and find a fat envelope inside...

You find money inside! Nice!

Recycling Bin Event

Walking down the streets of the Hoburb, you notice it's trash day. In addition to the normal trash bins you see bright green tubs full of bottles and cans...

You pull all the cans you can find out of one of the recycling bins.

You get cans!

Hoburbs Hobo Battle Event

Another Hobo spots you walking down the street and confronts you.

Hobo: Hey, this is my street to work buddy, find your own!

Before you can even respond he takes a swing at you! Crazy bastard!

HoboWarrior (XXXXXX), Hoburbs Hobo

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1. You kick the Hoburbs Hobo's ass, taking 1500 life (0 life)

Your Adventure Gear gained experience.

You win!

You gained some combat stats.

Gated Community Begging Event

Deep in the Hoburbs you come across a gated community. You use your great Hobo intellect to deduce that there must be some rich people inside! You pull out your trusty begging can and wait outside the gates...

30 minutes later you hop up and look at all the coins in the can. After a quick count you end up with 125% more money from the people that dropped some money in.

Doubly Gated Community Begging Event

Deep in the Hoburbs you come across a gated community. The odd thing is, the gate is wide open...

You head inside and wander around through the pristine lawns and clean streets until you come to...

Another, even more gated community!

You figure anyone living in a gated community inside another gated community must be super wealthy...

You pull out your trusty begging can and wait outside the second gates...

30 minutes later you hop up and look at all the coins in the can. After a quick count you end up with 150% more money from the people that dropped some money in.

Sidewalk Gum Event

Hey, you found some gum on the sidewalk! Sweet!

You take the Pre-Chewed Gum and place it into your trolly.

Compost Bin Events

Walking down the streets of the Hoburb, you notice it's trash day. You decide to dig around a bit...

You find some uneaten food in one of the compost bins!

You take the HotDog and place it into your trolly.

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Walking down the streets of the Hoburb, you notice it's trash day. You decide to dig around a bit...

You find some uneaten food in one of the compost bins!

You take the Meat Pie and place it into your trolly.

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Walking down the streets of the Hoburb, you notice it's trash day. You decide to dig around a bit...

You find some uneaten food in one of the compost bins!

You take the KFC Meal and place it into your trolly

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Walking down the streets of the Hoburb, you notice it's trash day. You decide to dig around a bit...

You find some uneaten food in one of the compost bins!

You take the Bachelor Chow and place it into your trolly.

Can of Whipped Cream Event

You run across some teenagers who look like they're scheming. They're hiding behind a mailbox in front of a pristinely kept lawn and a driveway with a brand new car in it...

First Teenager: Hehehe... okay, we've gotta be quick about this. If the Principle catches us tagging his brand new car we'll totally get in trouble.

Second Teenager: Right. I'll be quick.

The Second Teenager pulls what looks like a spray can from a plastic bag and gives it a good shake. He runs up to the principle's car and begins spraying...

Second Teenager: What the- this isn't spray paint! Where'd you buy this?

First Teenager: From the grocery store!

Second Teenager: Dumbass! This is a can of whipped cream!

Suddenly the front door of the house flies open.

Principle: What are you kids doing?!

Second Teenager: Run!

The teenagers bolt and the Principle runs feebly after them. Once they're out of view you grab the can of whipped cream off the driveway.

You take the Can of Whipped Cream and place it into your trolly.

8 Ball Events

You spy two kids shooting marbles on the sidewalk. You watch them for a minute before realizing they're both pretty awful at it.

HoboWarrior: You call that marble shooting? You're knuckling down while going for a duck on a roundster shot? What are you trying to do, loft it? It's too high!

Kid #1: Oh yeah? If you're so smart why don't you try and make the shot then?

HoboWarrior: Let's make this interesting... I make the shot, you give me that fancy shooter of yours.

You point towards the big black marble in the second kid's hand.

Kid #2: And if you miss?

HoboWarrior: ...Then you kids can beat the crap out of me.

You bend down and put one eye close to the ground. You pull back your thumb and...

You miss the shot! You live up to your end of the bargain and let the two kids kick the crap out of you.

You lose 1000 life!

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You spy two kids shooting marbles on the sidewalk. You watch them for a minute before realizing they're both pretty awful at it.

HoboWarrior: You call that marble shooting? You're knuckling down while going for a duck on a roundster shot? What are you trying to do, loft it? It's too high!

Kid #1: Oh yeah? If you're so smart why don't you try and make the shot then?

HoboWarrior: Let's make this interesting... I make the shot, you give me that fancy shooter of yours.

You point towards the big black marble in the second kid's hand.

Kid #2: And if you miss?

HoboWarrior: ...Then you kids can beat the crap out of me.

You bend down and put one eye close to the ground. You pull back your thumb and...

You make the shot! You turn and look smugly at the second kid who hands over his shooter.

Hey, this thing isn't a marble at all!

You get the 8 Ball

Green Gloves Event

You're walking down the sidewalk trying not to step on any cracks when *BAM*! You run straight into someone, knocking them over. You look down to see an older man with gardening shears and big green gardening gloves laying on the ground.

You offer to help the old guy out and hold out your hands. He grabs onto them.

HoboWarrior: Sorry about that buddy.

Gardner: Yeah, well next time watch where you're going you filthy hobo!

Hey, you don't have to take that kind of abuse! Instead of helping the old guy up you just pull his gloves off and bolt!

You get the Green Gloves

Green Headband Event

You're walking down the sidewalk trying not to step on any cracks when *BAM*! Somebody slams right into you, knocking you down!

You look up to see a jogger with a green headband offering you a hand.

Jogger: Oh my! I'm so sorry friend! How can I ever make it up to you?

HoboWarrior: ...Can you spare some cash?

Jogger: Sorry, but I don't have anything other than the clothes on my back!

HoboWarrior: Well how about giving my that headband then?

You get the Green Headband

Empty Keg Event

As you're walking past a wooden fence you hear groans coming from the other side. You peek your head over to see what's up...

You see about a dozen high school age kids all passed out in the backyard. Empty kegs and plastic cups litter the grass, all circled around a still smoldering grill. Looks like these kids had one hell of a Bar-B-Q.

You hop the fence and grab one of the empty kegs! Score!

You get the Empty Keg

Garage Sale Events

While wandering down Pine Stone Wood Breeze Drive you find a family of four all sitting in front of their house surrounded by boxes of junk.

Father: Ah, you're just in time for the garage sale friend! Have a look around!

You find a box filled with old junk and dig around...

You dig around in the box for a little while, but don't have enough cash to actually buy anything.

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While wandering down Pine Stone Wood Breeze Drive you find a family of four all sitting in front of their house surrounded by boxes of junk.

Father: Ah, you're just in time for the garage sale friend! Have a look around!

You find a box filled with old junk and dig around...

You pull out a Walkman and ask the father how much.

Father: $100

You pull out the money and pay the man.

You get the Walkman

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While wandering down Pine Stone Wood Breeze Drive you find a family of four all sitting in front of their house surrounded by boxes of junk.

Father: Ah, you're just in time for the garage sale friend! Have a look around!

You find a box filled with old junk and dig around...

You pull out a Purple Heart and ask the father how much.

Father: $1,000

You pull out the money and pay the man.

You get the Purple Heart

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While wandering down Pine Stone Wood Breeze Drive you find a family of four all sitting in front of their house surrounded by boxes of junk.

Father: Ah, you're just in time for the garage sale friend! Have a look around!

You find a box filled with old junk and dig around...

You pull out a Ming Vase and ask the father how much.

Father: $50,000

You pull out the money and pay the man.

You get the Ming Vase

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While wandering down Pine Stone Wood Breeze Drive you find a family of four all sitting in front of their house surrounded by boxes of junk.

Father: Ah, you're just in time for the garage sale friend! Have a look around!

You find a box filled with old junk and dig around...

You pull out a Action Comics 1 and ask the father how much.

Father: $200,000

You pull out the money and pay the man.

You get the Action Comics 1

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While wandering down Pine Stone Wood Breeze Drive you find a family of four all sitting in front of their house surrounded by boxes of junk.

Father: Ah, you're just in time for the garage sale friend! Have a look around!

You find a box filled with old junk and dig around...

You pull out a The Magna Carta and ask the father how much.

Father: $1,000,000

You pull out the money and pay the man.

You get the The Magna Carta

(To be continued...)