The Hoburbs

The Hoburbs is the suburban area located on the outskirts of Hoburbia. It is the home of garage sales, gated communities, mischievous middle-class kids, crazy hobos, a variety of pawnable items, and the famous Neighborhood Watch.

Activities

The only thing you can do in the Hoburbs is explore it.

Exploring

For 5T, you can explore the Hoburbs for various items and nice little bonuses. As with the Red Light District and the Canbodian River, you need to be alive in order to explore it. It is not recommended to explore the Hoburbs while Zombified and dead, since you won't be able to receive an extra meal from the Dreadlocked Dude or win any of the fights you run into.

The following is a list of events you can encounter while exploring the Hoburbs.

Old Lady's Lawn Event

You're walking down a sunny street when an old lady with thick glasses stops you.

Old Lady: Are you the Johnson's boy, Daniel? You look like you could use some money to buy your comic books and soda pop. I'll give you a few dollars to mow my lawn dear.

You take her up on her offer.

Old Lady: Oh, wonderful! I'll just be inside watching my programs. Ring the doorbell when you're done.

Once she's gone you look down at the lawn and realize all the grass is dry and dead. There's nothing to mow. Plus you don't have a lawnmower anyway...

You stand outside the Old Lady's window making mower noises for about 10 minutes and then ring her doorbell.

Old Lady: Oh thank you dear! It looks lovely! Here you go.

She pulls out her wallet, but doesn't seem to be able to see well enough to count her cash. She grabs a bunch of bills and hands them to you.

You get money!

Mailbox Money Event

While walking down the street you spy a mailbox with it's red flag raised. You decide to peak inside and find a fat envelope inside...

You find money inside! Nice!

Recycling Bin Cans Event

Walking down the streets of the Hoburb, you notice it's trash day. In addition to the normal trash bins you see bright green tubs full of bottles and cans...

You pull all the cans you can find out of one of the recycling bins.

You get cans!

Hoburbs Hobo Battle Event

Another Hobo spots you walking down the street and confronts you.

Hobo: Hey, this is my street to work buddy, find your own!

Before you can even respond he takes a swing at you! Crazy bastard!

HoboWarrior (XXXXXX), Hoburbs Hobo

---

1. You kick the Hoburbs Hobo's ass, taking 1500 life (0 life)

Your Adventure Gear gained experience.

You win!

You gained some combat stats.

Gated Community Begging Event

Deep in the Hoburbs you come across a gated community. You use your great Hobo intellect to deduce that there must be some rich people inside! You pull out your trusty begging can and wait outside the gates...

30 minutes later you hop up and look at all the coins in the can. After a quick count you end up with 125% more money from the people that dropped some money in.

Doubly Gated Community Begging Event

Deep in the Hoburbs you come across a gated community. The odd thing is, the gate is wide open...

You head inside and wander around through the pristine lawns and clean streets until you come to...

Another, even more gated community!

You figure anyone living in a gated community inside another gated community must be super wealthy...

You pull out your trusty begging can and wait outside the second gates...

30 minutes later you hop up and look at all the coins in the can. After a quick count you end up with 150% more money from the people that dropped some money in.

Sidewalk Gum Event

Hey, you found some gum on the sidewalk! Sweet!

You take the Pre-Chewed Gum and place it into your trolly.

Compost Bin Food Events

Walking down the streets of the Hoburb, you notice it's trash day. You decide to dig around a bit...

You find some uneaten food in one of the compost bins!

You take the HotDog and place it into your trolly.

---

Walking down the streets of the Hoburb, you notice it's trash day. You decide to dig around a bit...

You find some uneaten food in one of the compost bins!

You take the Meat Pie and place it into your trolly.

---

Walking down the streets of the Hoburb, you notice it's trash day. You decide to dig around a bit...

You find some uneaten food in one of the compost bins!

You take the KFC Meal and place it into your trolly

---

Walking down the streets of the Hoburb, you notice it's trash day. You decide to dig around a bit...

You find some uneaten food in one of the compost bins!

You take the Bachelor Chow and place it into your trolly.

---

(NOTE: There are more food items you can receive from this event than just these four.)

Can of Whipped Cream Event

You run across some teenagers who look like they're scheming. They're hiding behind a mailbox in front of a pristinely kept lawn and a driveway with a brand new car in it...

First Teenager: Hehehe... okay, we've gotta be quick about this. If the Principle catches us tagging his brand new car we'll totally get in trouble.

Second Teenager: Right. I'll be quick.

The Second Teenager pulls what looks like a spray can from a plastic bag and gives it a good shake. He runs up to the principle's car and begins spraying...

Second Teenager: What the- this isn't spray paint! Where'd you buy this?

First Teenager: From the grocery store!

Second Teenager: Dumbass! This is a can of whipped cream!

Suddenly the front door of the house flies open.

Principle: What are you kids doing?!

Second Teenager: Run!

The teenagers bolt and the Principle runs feebly after them. Once they're out of view you grab the can of whipped cream off the driveway.

You take the Can of Whipped Cream and place it into your trolly.

8 Ball Events

You spy two kids shooting marbles on the sidewalk. You watch them for a minute before realizing they're both pretty awful at it.

HoboWarrior: You call that marble shooting? You're knuckling down while going for a duck on a roundster shot? What are you trying to do, loft it? It's too high!

Kid #1: Oh yeah? If you're so smart why don't you try and make the shot then?

HoboWarrior: Let's make this interesting... I make the shot, you give me that fancy shooter of yours.

You point towards the big black marble in the second kid's hand.

Kid #2: And if you miss?

HoboWarrior: ...Then you kids can beat the crap out of me.

You bend down and put one eye close to the ground. You pull back your thumb and...

You miss the shot! You live up to your end of the bargain and let the two kids kick the crap out of you.

You lose 1000 life!

---

You spy two kids shooting marbles on the sidewalk. You watch them for a minute before realizing they're both pretty awful at it.

HoboWarrior: You call that marble shooting? You're knuckling down while going for a duck on a roundster shot? What are you trying to do, loft it? It's too high!

Kid #1: Oh yeah? If you're so smart why don't you try and make the shot then?

HoboWarrior: Let's make this interesting... I make the shot, you give me that fancy shooter of yours.

You point towards the big black marble in the second kid's hand.

Kid #2: And if you miss?

HoboWarrior: ...Then you kids can beat the crap out of me.

You bend down and put one eye close to the ground. You pull back your thumb and...

You make the shot! You turn and look smugly at the second kid who hands over his shooter.

Hey, this thing isn't a marble at all!

You get the 8 Ball

Brown Suitcase Event

You're walking around when you see a freshly painted red fence. Something tells you to hop it, so you do.

It's a fairly normal looking yard except... You see a brown suitcase handle sticking out of the ground. You dig it up a little and pull it out. You open it up quickly and see that it's full of cash! Awesome!

You get the Brown Suitcase

Green Gloves Event

You're walking down the sidewalk trying not to step on any cracks when *BAM*! You run straight into someone, knocking them over. You look down to see an older man with gardening shears and big green gardening gloves laying on the ground.

You offer to help the old guy out and hold out your hands. He grabs onto them.

HoboWarrior: Sorry about that buddy.

Gardner: Yeah, well next time watch where you're going you filthy hobo!

Hey, you don't have to take that kind of abuse! Instead of helping the old guy up you just pull his gloves off and bolt!

You get the Green Gloves

Green Headband Event

You're walking down the sidewalk trying not to step on any cracks when *BAM*! Somebody slams right into you, knocking you down!

You look up to see a jogger with a green headband offering you a hand.

Jogger: Oh my! I'm so sorry friend! How can I ever make it up to you?

HoboWarrior: ...Can you spare some cash?

Jogger: Sorry, but I don't have anything other than the clothes on my back!

HoboWarrior: Well how about giving my that headband then?

You get the Green Headband

Metal Suitcase Event

(Need information.)

You get the Metal Suitcase

Pink Lawn Flamingo Event

You walk past an especially tacky looking bright yellow house with out of season Christmas lights strung up. Scattered all over the lawn are those pink plastic flamingos.

You notice there's a rather large stack of newspapers on the front porch. Looks like nobodies been around for a little while...

You decide to grab one of the flamingos and run!

You get the Pink Lawn Flamingo

Bar-B-Q Grill Event

(Need information.)

You get the Bar-B-Q Grill

Empty Keg Event

As you're walking past a wooden fence you hear groans coming from the other side. You peek your head over to see what's up...

You see about a dozen high school age kids all passed out in the backyard. Empty kegs and plastic cups litter the grass, all circled around a still smoldering grill. Looks like these kids had one hell of a Bar-B-Q.

You hop the fence and grab one of the empty kegs! Score!

You get the Empty Keg

Skateboard Event

You walk past a bunch of teenage skaters doing jumps off the curb.

Skater Kid: Hey dudes! Watch me ollie over Old Man Hoolihan's Jalopy!

The Skater Kid kicks off with his foot and careens straight at the dusty old car. He leans down to grab the board and just ends up slamming his head into the side of the jalopy, knocking himself unconcious.

Skater Kid's Friend: Hey, I think he's hurt!

Skater Kid's Other Friend: Let's get out of here!

The Kid's friends bolt Leaving you standing there. Well... Not much you can do. You're no doctor.

You grab the Kid's skateboard and take off.

You get the Skateboard

Fancy Rims Event

You're walking down the street kicking a can when you hear a loud screeeeeeeeeeeeeecccchhhhhh behind you! You turn around just in time to see a pimped out car slam into a brick mailbox.

You're about to call for help, but notice the driver stumble out of the car, dizzy, but intact. You notice one of the fancy rims on his car was jarred loose by the impact...

You grab the Rims and run before the guy even notices.

You get the Fancy Rims

Signed Basketball Event

You find an old basketball in the street. And hey, look! It's been signed by the entirety of the 1993 Chicago Bulls!

You get the Signed Basketball

Crystal Skull Event

You wander by a driveway in the Hoburbs and spot an older guy with a fadora packing way too much luggage on top of the family car.

Father: Hurry up kids! We were supposed to leave here fifteen minutes ago!

Wife: Dear, this is supposed to be a relaxing vacation...

Father: Need I remind you, if we don't make it to Egypt by sundown the Russians will get their mind control device! Do YOU want the Russians inside YOUR brain?

Little Girl: Mommmm, did daddy forget to take his medicine again?

The Father rushes his family into the car and peels out of the driveway. As he zooms away down the street, a piece of luggage falls off the top of his stack. You walk over and pick it up.

Inside you find some kind of weird, glowing crystal skull. Neat! Bet you could get a few bucks for this thing over at the Pawn Shop!

You get the Crystal Skull

Prize-Winning Yorkshire Terrier Event

You're walking down a quiet street, enjoying the serenity when something starts yapping at you.

You spot a tiny little Yorkshire Terrier wagging its tail and barking at the edge of a finely trimmed lawn. You wonder why the dog won't leave the lawn when you notice the grass is surrounded with tiny little electrical devices. An invisible sonic fence!

You decide to free the little doggy. You pick him up over the invisible fence and stuff him inside your Unusually Large Backpack.

You get the Prize-Winning Yorkshire Terrier

Plasma Screen TV Event

You're walking down one of the Hoburban streets when you come to a dead end. You hear a voice and turn to see an old man on a rocking chair calling out to you from his porch.

Old Man: End of the line son. Not too many people come down here anymore...

The old man hawks into a spatoon next to him.

Old Man: I'll tell you what son, It gets a little lonely out here with no one to keep me company. You sit and listen to my stories for a little while, and I'll make it worth your while.

You sit and listen to the old man's stories for a little while before you realize he's just recounting episodes of Cheers, Happy Days, and the Beverly Hillbillies. You start to get a little uncomfortable when he starts retelling what sounds suspiciously like an episode of Star Trek the Next Generation.

Old Man: ...And that's how we escaped the Borg ship and rescued the Captain. Oh, look at the time! Buffy is about to come on! Well, let me get you a little something for spending some time with an old man.

The Old Man leads you inside to where a brand spanking new Plasma Screen TV is sitting on the ground.

Old Man: I've got tons of these things cluttering up the garage. Go ahead and take it.

Nice!

You get the Plasma Screen TV

Garage Sale Events

While wandering down Pine Stone Wood Breeze Drive you find a family of four all sitting in front of their house surrounded by boxes of junk.

Father: Ah, you're just in time for the garage sale friend! Have a look around!

You find a box filled with old junk and dig around...

You dig around in the box for a little while, but don't have enough cash to actually buy anything.

---

While wandering down Pine Stone Wood Breeze Drive you find a family of four all sitting in front of their house surrounded by boxes of junk.

Father: Ah, you're just in time for the garage sale friend! Have a look around!

You find a box filled with old junk and dig around...

You pull out a Walkman and ask the father how much.

Father: $100

You pull out the money and pay the man.

You get the Walkman

---

While wandering down Pine Stone Wood Breeze Drive you find a family of four all sitting in front of their house surrounded by boxes of junk.

Father: Ah, you're just in time for the garage sale friend! Have a look around!

You find a box filled with old junk and dig around...

You pull out a Purple Heart and ask the father how much.

Father: $1,000

You pull out the money and pay the man.

You get the Purple Heart

---

While wandering down Pine Stone Wood Breeze Drive you find a family of four all sitting in front of their house surrounded by boxes of junk.

Father: Ah, you're just in time for the garage sale friend! Have a look around!

You find a box filled with old junk and dig around...

You pull out a Ming Vase and ask the father how much.

Father: $50,000

You pull out the money and pay the man.

You get the Ming Vase

---

While wandering down Pine Stone Wood Breeze Drive you find a family of four all sitting in front of their house surrounded by boxes of junk.

Father: Ah, you're just in time for the garage sale friend! Have a look around!

You find a box filled with old junk and dig around...

You pull out a Action Comics 1 and ask the father how much.

Father: $200,000

You pull out the money and pay the man.

You get the Action Comics 1

---

While wandering down Pine Stone Wood Breeze Drive you find a family of four all sitting in front of their house surrounded by boxes of junk.

Father: Ah, you're just in time for the garage sale friend! Have a look around!

You find a box filled with old junk and dig around...

You pull out a The Magna Carta and ask the father how much.

Father: $1,000,000

You pull out the money and pay the man.

You get the The Magna Carta

Dreadlocked Dude Event

You're walking down the street when you hear the music of Pink Floyd slowly approaching from behind you.

You turn around just in time to see an old Pontiac hit a pothole and pop a tire! The car swerves a little bit before coming to a complete stop. The front door opens and you see a guy with a tye dye shirt and dreadlocks stumble out, followed by a cloud of smoke.

Dreadlocked Dude: Oh duddddeeee... not cool man...

After watching the dreadlocked guy stare at his busted tire helplessly for a minute you decide to offer assistance.

HoboWarrior: Hey, man, need a hand?

You help the guy switch out his spare tire while listening to The Great Gig in the Sky.

Dreadlocked Dude: Thanks a lot man. Hey... you ever been down to the Wellness Clinic? I work down there. Was just about to make a delivery as a matter of fact...

A few minutes later you exit the dreadlocked guy's car coughing, laughing, and a little bit more hungry than before.

D&D Kids Events

You come across a group of kids playing Dungeons & Dragons on the front porch of one of the Hoburban houses.

Nerdy Kid: Hey you! Yeah, the dirty lookin fella! Do you wanna play some D&D? Our Necromancer had to leave early and now we're short one in our adventuring party!

You spend a little while rolling D20s and treasure hunting with the group of nerds, and hey, you even gain some stats in the process!

Your Charisma increased by .1 Points!

---

You come across a group of kids playing Dungeons & Dragons on the front porch of one of the Hoburban houses.

Nerdy Kid: Hey you! Yeah, the dirty lookin fella! Do you wanna play some D&D? Our Necromancer had to leave early and now we're short one in our adventuring party!

You spend a little while rolling D20s and treasure hunting with the group of nerds, and hey, you even gain some stats in the process!

Your Constitution increased by 5 Points!

---

You come across a group of kids playing Dungeons & Dragons on the front porch of one of the Hoburban houses.

Nerdy Kid: Hey you! Yeah, the dirty lookin fella! Do you wanna play some D&D? Our Necromancer had to leave early and now we're short one in our adventuring party!

You spend a little while rolling D20s and treasure hunting with the group of nerds, and hey, you even gain some stats in the process!

Your Dexterity increased by 1 Point!

---

You come across a group of kids playing Dungeons & Dragons on the front porch of one of the Hoburban houses.

Nerdy Kid: Hey you! Yeah, the dirty lookin fella! Do you wanna play some D&D? Our Necromancer had to leave early and now we're short one in our adventuring party!

You spend a little while rolling D20s and treasure hunting with the group of nerds, and hey, you even gain some stats in the process!

Your Endurance increased by 1 Point!

---

You come across a group of kids playing Dungeons & Dragons on the front porch of one of the Hoburban houses.

Nerdy Kid: Hey you! Yeah, the dirty lookin fella! Do you wanna play some D&D? Our Necromancer had to leave early and now we're short one in our adventuring party!

You spend a little while rolling D20s and treasure hunting with the group of nerds, and hey, you even gain some stats in the process!

Your Strength increased by 1 Point!

---

You come across a group of kids playing Dungeons & Dragons on the front porch of one of the Hoburban houses.

Nerdy Kid: Hey you! Yeah, the dirty lookin fella! Do you wanna play some D&D? Our Necromancer had to leave early and now we're short one in our adventuring party!

You spend a little while rolling D20s and treasure hunting with the group of nerds, and hey, you even gain some stats in the process!

Your Wisdom increased by .5 Points!

Neighborhood Watch Events

(Needs information.)

---

Whilst walking down the sidewalk one evening in Hoburbia you spot a poster stapled to a telephone pole.

Together we can beat out crime! Join the Neighborhood watch!

Below that is a phone number. You pull out your trusty cell phone and call the number, and before you know it, they've got you working the night beat! You're hanging out in the security booth at the neighborhood entrance. It's around 2AM, and you start to doze off...

You pull out your copy of Action Comics #1 and flip through it for a few minutes before you hear a noise...

You peer out the booth and don't see anything...

*BAM* Somebody whacks you over the head from behind!

You're knocked unconcious and don't wake up til morning. Too bad!

---

Whilst walking down the sidewalk one evening in Hoburbia you spot a poster stapled to a telephone pole.

Together we can beat out crime! Join the Neighborhood watch!

Below that is a phone number. You pull out your trusty cell phone and call the number, and before you know it, they've got you working the night beat! You're hanging out in the security booth at the neighborhood entrance. It's around 2AM, and you start to doze off...

You pull out your copy of Action Comics #1 and flip through it for a few minutes before you hear a noise...

You peer out the booth and don't see anything...

*BAM* Somebody whacks you over the head from behind!

Luckily, your helmet protects you from the blow! You turn around to see a big hairy mean-looking bastard wearing a leather jacket, headband, and wielding a big metal flashlight.

You jump out of the booth and are about to rush the guy when one of his buddies comes up from behind and grabs hold of you...

The guy behind you holds on tight while the other guy socks you over the head with his flashlight. Ouch!

You wake up after sunrise with a pounding headache, the criminals long gone.

---

(Need information.)

---

(Need information.)

---

Whilst walking down the sidewalk one evening in Hoburbia you spot a poster stapled to a telephone pole.

Together we can beat out crime! Join the Neighborhood watch!

Below that is a phone number. You pull out your trusty cell phone and call the number, and before you know it, they've got you working the night beat! You're hanging out in the security booth at the neighborhood entrance. It's around 2AM, and you start to doze off...

You pull out your copy of Action Comics #1 and flip through it for a few minutes before you hear a noise...

You peer out the booth and don't see anything...

*BAM* Somebody whacks you over the head from behind!

Luckily, your helmet protects you from the blow! You turn around to see a big hairy mean-looking bastard wearing a leather jacket, headband, and wielding a big metal flashlight.

You jump out of the booth and are about to rush the guy when one of his buddies comes up from behind and grabs hold of you...

The thug behind you lets go screaming!

Thug: Ahhhhhh! What the hell? This guy is on fire! Literally! Freakin burned me!

A whole group of thugs appear out of the darkness! There's gotta be a dozen of the bastards! You notice that they all seem to be wearing matching headbands...

Thug: Hey this guy's got one of our patented green headbands on...

Other Thug: See if he knows the secret hand shake!

You recognize the hand signals! He's doing the Rock Paper Scissors Lizard Spock motions in order!

You mimic the motions, starting with Rock and ending with Spock. The thug reaches out his hand and you grab it and shake.

Thug: Well, looks like you're part of the syndicate? Wanna help us with this job? It'll be a lot more profitable than your neighborhood watch gig.

You spend a half hour helping the thugs loot some houses. By the end of your heisting you end up with the following loot:

Only receive once:

You get the Flashlight

Possibly receive:

You get the Gold Watch

You get the I Love You Bracelet

You get the Harvard Degree

You get the Skull Bong

Always receive:

You get money.